To eat... and to make a poem about it...

Warning for: Disordered eating

I eat
Because it feels good,
Comforting, easy

I eat
And I continue because
The food doesn't judge me

It tells my monkey brain I am tasting
And it is good
And it keeps away the human brain thoughts
That life is a feud

I eat
And it can be such a relief
When I feel it is balanced and filling
And I'm not terribly weak

I eat
And I can get sickly full
I judge me, I judge me
But I would like to eat more
Because food would never disappoint me

I eat
And I wish it didn't feel like a puzzle
Where if I think too much about it
I eat eat eat

If I think too little on it
I eat eat eat

Where if I am alright
I might.
Not.
eat eat eat

I eat
And it makes me feel happy
But the consequences
Make me angry

They crawl away with my stamina
I know they do
Destroy my mind too
(My first psychologist would agree.)

I wish I could run for as long as others
I wish I could climb as faster
I wish I had more air
I don't want to be like this
But whenever I think about it
I eat

I eat
And here's the answer no one wants
That I don't want:
If I loved myself further
If I wasn't so anxious
I would eat

And rarely
eat eat eat
And rarely
judge judge judge

And any added fat would be comfy and fitting
And not a weight
I would eat
And I would

Smile

I will try, I will try
I care so much about it
But none of this can fix me
'Let me fix it myself'
But I'm so afraid of the sick

I will eat
and I eat
And it all goes back to eating
It constantly corners me
And projects itself into everyone

I eat
And my plate is seen,
And my belly is big,
And my pants are tight,
And my mouth is full,
And I should not

Sometimes I wish I could eat myself too
Give in to all that eating is
Sometimes I wonder if I'm already doing it
And I wish I could stop

It hurts and
I eat
I waste and
I eat
I want it to end and
I eat.