Thoughts Sprinkled with Dark Rainbows

I recently watched The Substance. And then I watched video essays on The Substance. And I am still thinking about The Substance. I am also thinking about recent election results around the world, about the ones making decisions for me in my country and I am left with continuous realization that no one cares. No one cares about women’s autonomy. No one cares about old women. No one cares about ugly women. No one cares about queer women. No one cares about non-white women. No one cares. I am not a woman, but I have the lived experiences of one, I am forced into the societal role of one and I can’t escape it and so all these notions hit me so hard as well. Unless I’m pretty, objectifiable, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a girlfriend, a friend, I don’t matter. I matter even less as someone queer. I would matter even less if I was non-white or disabled. And most people don’t understand. They don’t. Why do you feel not valued when you have rights? Laws supporting you? They don’t get t...

I watched a video about homelessness and how it is exploited some days ago and I am thinking about it. I am privileged, middle class, with no issues regarding housing or money and I live in a west European country so I am not thinking about myself besides the seemingly distant possibility that someday I could be homeless too. Which is something people forget a lot. I am thinking about how homelessness happens and how it is a near cycle for many people in it, and then I found myself not knowing exactly how to navigate that line of thought, and I started wondering about a friend of mine, who is now hundreds of kilometers away, who I have no idea where or how he is and who, sadly, (I assume) still doesn’t have a house. I was a psychology student away from home and I met him in a random December night going back from school. Ironically, that night was also the night I had a terrible kind of experience for the first time. But I didn’t regret meeting him, at all. And it started with me s...